Most Annoying SEO Questions with Appropriate Answers

SEOGuru Level X³

May 7, 2016, 11:03 pm

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I’ve been a SEO service provider for over 7 years now, in this time I’ve worked and consulted with 1000+ people in all kinds of weird and wonderful niches.

In doing so I’ve had the pleasure of speaking to and advising an insane amount of business owners, from the realistic and successful to the heavily delusional “I’m gonna get rich quick on the Internet coz av built a shit website on me own in Wix” types.

I can safely say that I’ve most probably been asked every question that can be asked about SEO, here’s some of my favorite most annoying questions (with appropriate answers)…

Question:
Hi seoguru, so I’ve just built my new fashion store on Weebly for a client and I need you to get it to the top of Google for “Denim Jeans”. Can you beat LEVIS and NEXT for $100 a month?
Answer:

Question:
Hi seoguru, I have an established local business but I don’t want to pay for SEO, can you rank my website using your own time and money and I will give you a commission on the sales that I make even though I can’t prove that I can close any sales?
Answer:

Question:
Hi seoguru, I’ve been paying an SEO company $200 for the last 4 months and I’m unhappy with the results, can you get me to the top of Google for “Accountants in London” for the same price?
Answer:

Question:
Hi seoguru, I’ve been advised by my web designer to stop doing link building because backlinks are dead and aren’t important for SEO so can you cancel all of the links that you’ve been working on for the last 2 weeks?
Answer:

Question:
Hi seoguru, I don’t intend to do business with you but can you spend a few hours replying my messages giving me free SEO advice? It’s not like you actually have a life or bills to pay or any real work to do for paying clients is it?
Answer:
Most Annoying SEO Questions with Appropriate Answers

Most Annoying SEO Questions with Appropriate Answers

Question:
Hi seoguru, so we’ve been doing SEO for 30 days now and I can see that 90 of the 100 keywords we’re tracking have moved up significantly in the rankings along with my organic traffic but I’m not happy that they’re not all on the first page yet, I’ve decided that I’m going to give up on SEO now so can you send a refund?
Answer:
Most Annoying SEO Questions with Appropriate Answers

Question:
Hi seoguru, I’ve got a new website selling $5,000 products in a competitive niche, I’ve got $100 a month to invest in SEO, can you…
Answer:

This post is for FUN, don't take it seriously ;) .

Comments

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anwebservices

LOL.... Fun or not, it's true. I believe we all have customers like this. I personally had so many of these. But your answers are right

Sometime you can see that customer have no knowledge and they desperately asking dumb questions, but when i feel that someone playing DUMB on purpose, just to get all for nothing, they don't even deserve answer, but BIG SLAP

11 years ago

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Asmodeus

Question:
Hi seoguru, I don’t intend to do business with you but can you spend a few hours replying my messages giving me free SEO advice? It’s not like you actually have a life or bills to pay or any real work to do for paying clients is it?
Answer:

That's the one I get all the time is people asking for free advice or wasting my time asking questions about something they know nothing about. Right now I'm in conversation with a guy asking REALLY basic questions about what is Alexa ranking. Is it like Google? Etc....Look, if you have no clue about what it is you're buying, then don't buy it. I want buyers who KNOW what they are getting from me rather than spending an hour of my time answering basic questions for a buck.

Thanks for the awesome post!!

11 years ago

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chetaseo

LOL.... Fun or not, it's true. I believe we all have customers like this. I personally had so many of these. But your answers are right
Sometime you can see that customer have no knowledge and they desperately asking dumb questions, but when i feel that someone playing DUMB on purpose, just to get all for nothing, they don't even deserve answer, but BIG SLAP

LOL, you mean you also will give a big slap,.hahahahahahahaaa,. really funny. lolz,.

but some of their questions can be really annoying.

11 years ago

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chetaseo

The image you have added for the answer is superb.

hmmmm,.. am sure you love the batman and his movies. lollzzzz

11 years ago

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seoboyz

Haahahha..... You just made my day #seoguru...

Really funny this is... But true

11 years ago

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SEOGuru

Thank you guys for liking this.

Feel free to share your experience as well ...........................

11 years ago

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farahkhan

You can expect anything from a buyer. I got some silly questions in my service as well. I am offering a teamveiwer setup which I clearly mentioned in my service description but even after I get the most freaky response from some buyers like " Cancel this immediately if you log in to our pc we have to format our hardrive " o_Oo_O Like Seriously !!! Sounds like I am a Virus or something LOL

Regards
Farah Raza

11 years ago

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TommyCarey

Oh wow, I run into a few of these every month

Mainly this one

Question:
Hi seoguru, so I’ve just built my new fashion store on Weebly for a client and I need you to get it to the top of Google for “Denim Jeans”. Can you beat LEVIS and NEXT for $100 a month?

Another one should be

Question:
I paid you yesteday to get me ranked for the keywords Coca-Cola, Coke, Pepsi, and Pepsi-Cola. Why am I not ranked #1 yet? Are you scamming me?!?!?!?!
Answer:

The headaches I deal with every week

11 years ago

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sdit

Wow!!! Great fun. but really true. There too many people don't about SEO, Google ranking and they ask horrible question to SEO professional. And its really tough to explain about their problem.

11 years ago

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webnesia

hahah true, people think seo is like magic wand ..

11 years ago

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Corzhens

Thank you for posting those funny questions that have been asked you. At least that gave me a respite from the rigors of freelancing. Sometimes we have to click on our sense of humor instead of being angry at such foolish and sometimes stupid questions, pardon the word. Anyway, I’m sure you are not alone in getting such inquiries and I hope I wouldn’t get one in the future.

8 years ago

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